AHME- DA BAD, -DA GOOD, -DA UGLY !!

Yea! Its one of those cases where I thought of the title first and then about the content! To set the context- I was introduced to Ahmedabad in May 2012 when I was transferred as Area Sales Manager-Gujarat from Area Sales Manager-UP(East)! It was in May 2012 when UP had a severe sand-storm & I attribute it mainly to the 'HUGE SIGH of RELIEF' that came out from me. Post that, changed jobs, got married, yet stayed like a bachelor but place of work remained same! Its when my wife moved with me in 2014 to Ahmedabad, is when we experienced the city's energy in totality. While Ahmedabad became more cosmopolitan as % of Non Gujarati's increased by 0.5 to 5 out of 50 lacs (considering my wife as half Gujarati), she became more Gujarati than anyone could have imagined , during those 1.5 years together. That is the context and now lets get started on DA UGLY {I am a believer in Happy endings}.

(For all future references , the city of Ahmedabad will be referred to as "A")

The lovely riverfront in Ahmedabad

I) "AHME-DA UGLY"

Traffic sense: People of A dont have an Essel-world, Disney land , forget River rafting, Bungee jumping etc. Maximum level of adventure ends at having Jalebi, Gathya, chutney, Kadhi for sunday breakfast & Undhyu with dry fruits for lunch and Panipuri,Dahi Puri,Ragda Patties for dinner , all of these interspersed with deep fried snacks through the day-family history of high cholestrol and BP not-withstanding! So, all their pent-up 'Adventurism' comes out on the road. Gujarat Govt must be lauded for nice and wide roads but for the kind of people driving on these, nothing is good enough or wide enough. When a child is growing, parents let him/her go out, play, get bruised, dirty etc (~ Daag Achche Hai). In Ahmedabad, this extends into youth, adulthood and oldage with a difference being that the 'once upon a time Kid' is armed with a 2 wheeler/4 wheeler now & has the license to not just bruise his vehicle but also others' -after all, they belong to the same clan! What with, every vehicle here having signs of "DENT OK PLEASE".

A typical scene at crossroad in Ahmedabad during peak hours

For newbies, few 'A Traffic rules' that will help your transition :

- 'Free left' means free right,U turn,reverse,straight,Stop and basically block anyone who actually wants to take that free left!

- When they say 'No Hand Signal' , does not mean they will use the car signals. It means watch out for a leg peeping out to the right or left- thats where they are planning to turn to!

- Last lane is dedicated for vehicles to drive in opposite direction at full speed.

- Honking is as effective as someone trying to interrupt Arnab.

II) "AHME-DA BAD"

Weather: Its not the city's fault but then someone has to take the blame for people's inefficiencies, low productivity and laidback attitude. And what better than something that you just cant control. Its either too cold, too hot or too wet for people here and on a perfect day they are on leave attending marriages or finishing household chores. No wonder, people start their own 'bijness' with extended family partnering each other here as no one trusts employing someone else thinking 'what if he is also as lazy as I am, who will run my bijness then?" Frankly, the winter was a pleasant change from fake-winters of Mumbai and scanty rains , a great relief from deluge of Mumbai. What saps you the most is the dry summer heat. So, if you are indoors, you switch on the AC, fan and your internet to check the prices of Air cooler.

42-44 degress celsius is not abnormal for Ahmedabad during summers

Some fun observations:

-Kind hearted Gujjus put water in bowls outisde their balconies for the thirsty birds & by the time a bird comes , water would have evaporated!

- Snack shops add an extra item on their menu- There is always an oil dabeli, butter dabeli & cheese dabeli. Add 'Sweat dabeli' ;summer special! And that explains my next point...

- In summers, more people get sick of 'EAT STROKE' than 'HEAT STROKE'!

Always a challenge in Ahmedabad to guess what's beneath the blanket of cheese

III) "AHME-DA GOOD"

Safety: Just like when people hear Delhi and picture a monster stalking you and harming you , A has building aunties doing that but without causing any tangible harm! Red marks on roads, walls,stairs is NOT blood. Its just a melange of Pan Parag/Manikchand, tobacco, spit,bacteria,virus etc- basically its healthy food for TB causing bacteria! But on a more serious note, Ahmedabad is safe at all times and maybe because there are limited things to do here except go out & eat! Even thieves have limited options for robbing/pick-pocketing! Also, staying in joint families means that someone or the other will be in the house all the time shutting off the option of home-robberies! Girls on 2 wheelers with their bandanas, shawls and scarves look more dangerous than the thieves and if that 2 wheeler is moving, you better not be anywhere near it! People are super helpful , even if you dont need the help but then thats the hospitality of Vibrant Gujarat. In school we would have "Open House" every few months, in A its an everyday phenomenon. Sometimes you may have more neighbours in your house than your own family members with decibel levels that can scare off even a hard-core terrorist, forget a petty thief.

A night of Garba raas in Ahmedabad

Safety tips for newbies:

-The day you come to Ahmedabad, just feed your neighbours, co-workers etc with Dhoklas, Faafda, Khaakhras and other typical Gujju food. These 'missile sounding' snacks act like a 'Lemon-Chilly/Nimbu-Mirchi' in Ahmedabad, warding off any evil eye!

- If you ride a 2 wheeler, wear a helmet to save your hair from smelling of Pan Parag that comes out from Buses.{unless you think it works well as a conditioner}

Now, you may wonder, where is that aspect of 'A' that literally defines it. I am confused in which bracket it would fall under. It deserves more space than what I have given it, for, had it not been for "FOOD" , what would I have done when I was not hungry, satiated, tummy filled to the brim ?! Yes, it deserves a dedicated article...

Meanwhile, do watch this video to get a feel of Ahme da Food:

youtube.com/watch?v=4rv8DCx3S9M

For now, I end this post with some tid bits of "AHME DA FOOD":

- In winter, a Jignes bhai will start a "Bhajiya/Wada" stall. Come summer, it becomes a "Gola/Soda" stall and come monsoon, he is not to be seen at that spot. He has made enough 'Kes'(Cash) to open his new permanent multi-cuisine outlet!

- Veggies when tasted raw are not sweet! All of them become sweet after cooking! Same for pulses, cereals etc , just don't try tasting them raw!

- 'Way to man's heart is through his stomach'; but what do you do if his heart is also his stomach and so are all his organs! Ahmedabad's men are capable of chewing a pan, storing it in side of the cheek, sipping Sprite alongwith hot bhajiyas, none of which interact with each other in the mouth, as they make space for hot Puri and undhyu , all of this while still talking and laughing! Thus, the concept of multiple stomachs -each having its defined storage capacity - 'Infinite' , just like their large hearts!!

Popular delicacies of Ahmedabad(L-R): Dhokla, Khakhra, Thepla, Khandvi

Below is an article where conde-nast has covered the top delicacies of Ahmedabad.